Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize