he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
