you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
