Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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