I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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