mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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