You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
