Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'd cum for enchiladas.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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