new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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