She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
