so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
