Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
