I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I feel great
I just peed on a car
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
