i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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