evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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