Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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