You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize