Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
