your thong is hanging out like whoa
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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