as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
