Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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