yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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