Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he was CRYING into my vagina
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
