I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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