Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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