We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize