Cold hands, warm shart.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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