I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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