Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
