I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
