i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
