The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
