She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
