We won't sleep together?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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