I love black thongs
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
not ubering you a puppy
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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