I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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