9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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