Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Whod you bang
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize