Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I would ride that face into the sunset
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
