the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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