I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
