You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
