the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize