dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
