And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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