shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
