Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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