After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think I won the penis lottery.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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