dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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