Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
