If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
