I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
