Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
