God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
