I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
