it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We are two peas in an std pod
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
