Having a random hookup so left but love u
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
