Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
