Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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