her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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