She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
