i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
