I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize