Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
