five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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