Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it hurts more in the daytime
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
