just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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