we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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