it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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