Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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