he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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