Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
