At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
