You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
