This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
