Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
