just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
