By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
