I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
