if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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