You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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