mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
