meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
