Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
