What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
