Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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