I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't deserve a penis
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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