Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
