i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
