Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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