Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
