My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i came on her dog
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
