Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
