I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
