I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
