You're my little dorito
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
