how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We had to coat check the pizza.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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