Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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