Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
His hands were made for my vagina.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
