The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
