Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
