come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
